My man's gone now . . .

The title of this post comes from a Gershwin song from the musical "Porgy and Bess." The lyrics go: "My man's gone now/Ain't no use in listenin'/for his tired footsteps/comin' down the stairs."

It's really a sad, mournful song. And it describes perfectly how I'm feeling/felt for the past while.

My husband left me last weekend alone with the children for a conducting symposium. One weekend, I can handle that.

But he's leaving me AGAIN this weekend. And not just the weekend, but on Monday too. I already feel my sanity slipping from me because of illness confinement (again). I seriously hope I don't lose my mind, alone with no break. And this includes taking the kids to Church by myself. Which can be quite the wrestling match.

I'm happy that Joe is furthering his career (this weekend is another career-building opportunity), but what about my sanity? I told him he owes me a long romantic getaway, sometime in the very near future.

This is me, right now, making my angry face. It's one of those moments where I'm asking myself, "Why did I have children?"

This is me in the future, at the end of 3.5 days alone with my kids, stressed to the max. Hopefully, this will not really happen. I have friends who will take care of me. But still . . . bedtime, church, meal time, kids waking up in the middle of the night . . . scary.


But hey! Onto happier thoughts. Elliot's hair grows incredibly fast. I'm too lazy to cut it. So I've decided lately to go with the spike. Here is Elliot post-bath, with the spike. You like?

Whose birthday is it anyway?

Today my baby Elliot turned one! It really seems unfathomable to me. I feel like more of a neglectful parent with my second. With Dottie, I poured over "What to Expect During the First Year," making sure I was doing everything right, and that she was developing at the correct pace.

However, with Elliot, I don't even know where that book is. I just do it. The parenting, I mean. Hopefully he'll turn out okay? On Dottie's first birthday, it was the first time she had had refined sugar. For Elliot, cake and ice cream was old hat. Nothing new. I just feed him what I'm eating to keep him happy.

But we love our little guy. We kept the birthday party very low-key. Em and Craig came down on the weekend, and I just got him a few very simple gifts (since it was just Christmas. Plus, all of the stores are wiped out of the good toys because of Christmas). I think Dottie was more excited about the gifts than he was. Hence the title: "Whose birthday is it anyway?" Em and Craig got him this fun Little People farm toy, and Dottie was yelling at him any time he attempted to come near it. That little boy sure is patient with his big sister. I'm hoping it will stay that way.

The cake. Since he's only one and doesn't really care, I decided to make something I've always wanted to try: Baked Alaska. It was really a soupy mess, but it tasted good.

Still holding the spoon. He was pretty excited we gave him one.

See? Dottie taking over the gift already.

Where are you, Christmas?

I'm always so sad when Christmas is over. Why can't it last two months, December and January? Why do I need to take down my decorations? Why can't I eat like that all year 'round? Why can't I get gifts every day? Why isn't there good music like Christmas music for the rest of the year?
I know it can't be Christmas all year, but can't it just be a little bit longer?
I'm posting on the blog this morning, the day after I got back from Utah, before doing anything else. I have yet to unpack, bathe, get dressed, or even eat breakfast. I wish I could say the reason is because I'm a dedicated blogger, but the real reason is because I want to hold on to Christmas just a little bit longer.
The picture, above, was taken this morning in front of our real Christmas tree. I was too sad about taking it down before we left, so when we got home, we found this pathetic, dried-out, prickly, dying tree. I guess this should be a sign to me that Christmas is really over. I will take down the tree, because I don't want pine needles everywhere, but I'm leaving up the rest of the decorations for a few more weeks. January has to be the most depressing month of the year. It needs a little Christmas cheer.

The following pictures I intended to post before leaving, but I never got around to it. Dottie and Elliot were allowed to open a few gifts that were too large to bring with us before we left for Utah. The last picture is of Dottie in her Christmas dress. You'd think I'd have one of her without the curlers, but no. You know me. I take the picture that's convenient, not the best quality.

Christmas with the Hollsteins and Hansens

We spent the first part of our Christmas at the Hollstein's house, Joe's grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Hansen were there, as well as Mary and Jesse. It was so much fun to see everyone again. Of course, as usual, we were spoiled rotten. Our car was overflowing with all of the gifts we received. The Hollstein's house is a wonderland for Dottie. There are pop-up books, toys, and candy at every corner. Every time I turned around, there was Dottie, playing with a new book or toy, or sneaking her hand into a candy dish.
Elliot also had a good Christmas, although he got sick Christmas eve, after we saw the Christmas lights at Temple Square. This is why he is wearing different pajamas Christmas eve than on Christmas morning. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever have an illness-free holiday ever again.
Christmas Eve. Dottie foaming at the mouth with something or other. I told you, the girl was a glutton over Christmas.

Elliot, pre-sickness. These were his Christmas jammies that he got to open Christmas Eve. Don't ask me why we didn't get a picture of Dottie in hers. She wore them to the temple, does that count?
Elliot getting into Grandma Hollstein's bag, his favorite activity.

Christmas eve at Temple Square. Note the kitty ears. Dottie wore these the whole time we were at the Hollstein's. We also met up with Joe's friend, Shad, at Temple Square.

Mary, in lounging position, Christmas morning.

Baby's first Christmas! You'll notice he's enjoying the paper more than the gift itself. Typical, eh?
Dottie exploring the wonders of a pop-up book with Grandma Hollstein.


Jesse and Joe, also assuming lounging position on Christmas day. Those are the most comfortable chairs in the world, by the way. It's always a race between me and Joe over who will get the comfy chair.

Christmas with the Weeds

The second half of the trip, we spent with my family in Provo, at dear Aunty Eleanor's. My parents flew out since it's cheaper to fly to out then to fly three (Carrie, Bry, and Jared) back. Good times with the Weeds. A lot of shopping, lounging about, eating too much, playing Dutch Blitz (an Amish card game . . . buy it, you'll be addicted), and just having fun.
If there are a disproportionate amount of pictures of Carrie compared to the rest of my family, it's because I spent the most amount of time with her. My parents left early new year's morning, Emily left the next day. Plus, Carrie's so cute, who wouldn't want to take a million pictures of her? She was my little sidekick, who helped me with the children.
Elliot was still sick when we arrived, so it took a while for him to warm up to the family, much to my mother's chagrin. Three days later, Dottie got sick as well. It only took her two days to get better, although she did have a very high temp for those two days.

Mary and Jesse were kind enough to come on Friday. We were going to spend time with them in SLC Friday morning after dropping off Em, but Dottie was still sick, so they made the trip down to visit us one last time.
By the way, if you can't tell from this picture and if you haven't heard already, Emily is officially pregnant. She'll find out today! I believe, what she's having. Of course I've been bursting at the seams to tell everyone, but you know it's risky business at first, so I was sworn to secrecy for a long time. We 're all so excited for her.

Grandma Weed's Funeral

My grandma died while we were in Utah. She had been suffering from dementia for the past few years, so we all felt it was really a blessing. My grandfather passed away in October '07, so now they are finally together again.
My dad had the privilege of being there when my grandmother passed, and he said it was actually a spiritual experience to watch someone pass from this life to the next. He compared it to being present at a baby's birth; it was the same type of sacred feeling. Grandma didn't end her life, but is continuing on to a life where she can be who she truly is once again.
The funeral was really beautiful. Even though I was dealing with a squirmy one-year-old and a sicky three-year-old, I really felt spiritually uplifted, just as I did at my grandpa's funeral. I am so grateful to be a part of a family that knows the eternal nature of of our own souls, and of families. This life doesn't end here; of that I am certain. Our families can also be together forever if we live a righteous, loving, Christlike life. Hearing the tributes to my grandmother, and knowing of the oneness she had with my grandfather has really inspired me to be better, to live as they lived. My parents and grandparents have provided me with excellent examples, and I know it is possible to have an eternal family that is untouched by the world.

Funny Dottie

Here's a joke that Dottie came up with all on her own this morning:

Dottie: "Mommy, I have Dryarhea."

Me: "You do? Where did you get it from?"

Dottie: "The dryer."

Ha ha! Where does she come up with these things?